Why Do I Always Go to Check Who Unsubscribed?

I regularly check loads of metrics to see whether the content I create for Kith & Kin is resonating with the audience. Is it useful? Is it inspiring? Or am I just putting on a bit of a show for myself? We’re told these metrics matter, and to some extent, they do. I can see how many people engaged, liked, commented, shared, and responded. Yet, I find myself drawn—almost instinctively—to check who unsubscribed.

It’s a curious phenomenon. Why are we, as humans, so deeply attracted to perceived rejection or criticism? It’s well-documented that humans thrive in tribes, places, and communities where we belong, where we can share resources and learn from one another. So, it’s no wonder we’re sensitive to rejection—it’s part of our survival programming. Rejection, back in ancient times, meant being left out of the group, which was a serious threat to survival. Today, however, that instinct can be less useful.

The reality is that we’re no longer just connected to a few hundred people. In our hyper-connected world, we’re linked to thousands—if not millions—globally. Our instincts haven’t caught up, and as a result, we tend to give weight to rejection in ways that don’t always serve us.

In fact, some of the metrics we’re told to track—are they really for more than vanity? Sure, it feels great when someone likes or shares your post (and yes, feel free to do that!)—but is that the real measure of success? In my world, the true measure is bums on seats and smiling faces in venues.

Unsubscribers are doing me a favor. They’re telling me, “I’m not part of your tribe. I don’t share your values or your purpose.” And by leaving, they’re saving me time and energy.

It’s the same with customers. Of course, our job is to provide belonging and excellent service. But if someone doesn’t like what you offer, maybe the first response shouldn’t be to feel sad or disappointed. Maybe you don’t need to give it a second thought. If you’re confident in your purpose and communicating it clearly, there will naturally be people for whom it’s not a good fit—and that’s perfectly okay.

It’s challenging to discern when criticism is valid—when you’ve let a customer down or failed to deliver your promise—but if you know you’re doing good work, it’s fine to let some criticism go.

One thing I question is why we tend to focus on bad reviews while ignoring the good ones. Why give so much attention to people who aren’t part of your tribe while overlooking those who have such a strong sense of belonging that they want to shout about you?

The Caveat: Feedback from reviews is important—but maybe, just maybe, it’s not all that!