Recently, I was chatting with a friend who had just celebrated her birthday. She told me how many brands she had "loyalty" with had sent her gifts: a free coffee here, 10% off there, even a bottle of prosecco. The list was impressively long.
But it got me thinking. My first thought was practical: she’d never get around to redeeming all those offers!
My second thought was deeper: what did all these gestures really say about her relationship with those brands? To me, it felt hollow—like attending a birthday party, seeing a mountain of gifts, but realising the people in the room weren’t there to truly celebrate her. They were there to show off.
In my 30 years in hospitality, I’ve seen a profound shift in how we approach loyalty.
Decades ago, offering a loyalty card or a free coffee was unique. A bottle of prosecco for a birthday felt genuinely special. These gestures were about relationships—real, meaningful relationships. Back then, I remember the joy of giving back to customers I knew personally, people who liked me and my business. It wasn’t a marketing strategy; it was a heartfelt way to say “thank you.”
Now, it feels like a chore.
These once-meaningful gestures have become mere boxes to tick—a competitive necessity to keep up with everyone else. Instead of carefully choosing gifts that truly connect with customers, we’re handing out signals to the market: "Look, we care too!" But the meaning has been lost.
And that’s the problem. What once reinforced loyalty has become just another cost of doing business.
We’re not rewarding loyalty anymore; we’re trying to buy it.
The truth is, customers aren’t fooled. They know the difference between a genuine gesture and a transactional one. Loyalty gifts have become an expectation—a right, even—and there’s little emotional connection left.
The result? Your business becomes interchangeable with others. Customers look for the best deal, and loyalty—real loyalty—disappears.
Loyalty Is About Connection, Not Transactions
Loyalty is about forming a deep and meaningful emotional bond. It’s built on knowing, liking, and trusting someone—and this applies just as much to our relationships with brands and businesses as it does to personal connections.
True loyalty comes from your customers feeling like they belong. They see your business as part of their tribe. They will defend you, support you, champion you, and do whatever it takes to help you succeed.
This kind of loyalty looks like customers who stay longer, spend more, and actively seek out opportunities to spend even more with you. They want to give you all their business. If there’s a choice, you’ll always be their first pick for where their money and time go.
These customers find reasons to visit, reasons to share their experiences, and reasons to bring others—friends, family, and even complete strangers—into your tribe. They want everyone to know about you. They don’t just like your business; they love it.
This is what loyalty truly means. It’s not about how many stamps they have on a coffee card or whether they’re signed up to your mailing list. It’s about how they feel when they’re with you—and even more importantly, how they feel when they’re away.
Do You Really Need More Customers?
So often, I talk to hospitality businesses that are focused on one thing: getting more customers. They’re chasing bigger numbers, convinced that the key to success lies in sheer volume.
But what if the answer isn’t "more"? What if the real solution is "better"?
What if you already have enough customers, but what you’re missing are deeper, more meaningful relationships with them?
When you focus on building stronger connections with the customers you already have, everything changes.
Loyal customers don’t just return—they stay longer, spend more, and bring others into your business. They become your advocates, your champions, your tribe.
Instead of chasing new customers endlessly, imagine creating a space where the ones you already have feel valued, seen, and connected. That’s the foundation of sustainable success.
So, ask yourself: Do you need more customers, or do you need better relationships with the ones you already have?
The beauty of independent hospitality is that we don’t have to play by the same rules as the big chains.
We’re not tied to massive marketing budgets or impersonal loyalty schemes. Our pool can be smaller, but our tribe can be tighter, more connected, and far more loyal.
The key is knowing your purpose: understanding who you are, why you exist, and why you matter to your customers.
Are you purpose-driven?
Take our quiz now to find out how aligned your business is with what truly matters to your customers.
