Magnanimity noun. /ˌmæɡnəˈnɪməti/ /ˌmæɡnəˈnɪməti/ [uncountable] (formal) behaviour that is kind, generous and forgiving, especially towards an enemy or competitor.
“A magnanimous person has a generous spirit. ... Magnanimous comes from Latin magnus "great" and animus "soul," so it literally describes someone who is big-hearted. A person can show that over-sized spirit by being noble or brave, or by easily forgiving others and not showing resentment.”
I am an optimistic and highly pragmatic personality.
I am lucky – this was either gifted to me by birth and/or I had parents and early life experiences that encouraged it.
I take risks and I know that some of those are bigger and more ambitious than the average. But my personality type means that even after the usual risk assessments I have underlying confidence that I can cope with any worst-case scenario, particularly regarding business decisions. This allows me to take in a wider set of considerations, to take on projects that are not just beneficial to me but which I know others aspire to and projects that have wider implications for my community and ‘tribe’.
When things go wrong I always know that even losing what I had and the requirement to start from, perhaps even a negative position is, whilst uncomfortable, inconvenient and potentially even traumatic, something I will be able to bear and a position from which I can rebuild and grow.
So, things go wrong and not the way I planned them and, as with all these kinds of situations, there are winners and losers and I just so happen to be a loser on this occasion. Magnanimity is the order of the day.
I can do this.
Other people’s decisions, even bad ones, or those that adversely affect others, have usually come from their very personal experience of the world. Other people are responsible for the decisions they make but usually, they can be driven by all sorts of negative emotions such as fear which leads to expressions of greed or selfishness.
I am generous, I have always given others the benefit of the doubt and always look to, even in the darkest of behaviours, the real cause and driver - fear being the most common always deserves sympathy if not sometimes empathy.
My ability to see others make decisions that only benefit themselves and be sympathetic to them is annoying to those close to me trying to protect me, those who want to fiercely defend me. However, I am optimistic and pragmatic and this approach makes for a happier life for me, one where I don’t carry anger or resentment with me for long, I am quick to forgive, quick to move on; I am quickly magnanimous both in success and defeat.
However, when should the anger and resentment survive and when is forgiving too quickly not protecting yourself adequately? When is a behaviour even led by fear unacceptable?
Today
I am sure there are many examples but today I have my own circumstances leading to my current perspective. I think that when the fear is simply the fear of not fitting in and therefore the decision is to go along with the crowd and not stand up for someone else (in this case me) I think that should be something I should remain resentful of for a while longer.
I have empathy for feeling fear about the potential of being rejected by the ‘tribe’ but a personality trait that I am proud of and one that takes conscious practice is that I am loyal. I will protect and stand up for others, even at a high cost and I have many even recent examples of when I have done this publicly. Sometimes the need to show others solidarity is greater than my need to fit in. Whilst I do not expect the general population to necessarily do the right thing (though there are great examples of this through society) I do expect those for whom I have expressed loyalty to reciprocate.
Current and live example.
In this example, I understand the fear that led to someone else’s appallingly bad behaviour which led to me becoming the loser. I understand the greed that led to others taking advantage of the situation, these are people with no connection to me, they don’t know me, it is easy for them to assume the worst of someone, to turn a blind eye to the obvious injustice and create a narrative that works for them and after all, it is ‘just business’ (I think we can run businesses better than this but this is a discussion for a different day) it’s not OK but these are things I can be magnanimous about, I am gracious in the loss.
BUT when the tribe that I was once a member, switches allegiances just because there is a lack of bravery to stand up for another surely this is when magnanimity is no longer appropriate?
I understand the fear of not fitting in, the excuses of being swept along with others and the retelling of the narrative to make it feel OK, but it is not OK is it?
I am loyal, I stand up and take risks for others. Even in business my drivers for the past decade have been to contribute to others and to take risks that others were too afraid of. So, when those others quickly switch to the ‘winning’ side regardless of the rights and wrongs or ins and outs then is it OK for me to hold resentment? Is this an anger I should hold on to?
