Every important relationship in my life was created, established, and reinforced in a pub.
In response to the #pubsmatter campaign this week I took an opportunity to consider why I am so passionate about pubs and the role they play in our communities.
I had understood that there was an important role being played by the pub and I have always felt proud as a creator and operator of those spaces of the role that I have played in other people’s lives but I hadn’t really stopped to consider the role that those venues and the 100’s of others across the UK have played in mine.
I realised that pretty much every significant relationship in my life has revolved and been bounded by the pub.
When I think about where my passion for the industry came from it is not hard for me to remember back to my childhood where my parents would spend their weekends and holidays visiting pubs catching up with their friends.
As a young couple with young children with a group of young friends, the pub was the only place that they could all get together. They all still lived in small houses or flats and we all know when you invite guests to your house or visit someone, then there is the role of host and guest that needs to be played it is not the same as visiting a neutral venue where everyone is free to relax.
This was also back in the days that the pub was the only place to get a ‘decent’ pint, whilst they all dabbled in home brew, they all believed themselves to be connoisseurs and so nothing was as good as a proper pint.
My memories as a child are the often dank children’s play rooms at these pubs, usually the old skittle alley with no heating, cause back then kids were not allowed in most pubs, but we loved it. Our bottle of pop and packet of crisps and the bunch of other kids to play with.
What I remember most though is my parents laughing and joking and smiling with their friends, the banter the debates the teasing and the jibing. This was my view into adulthood and the modeling of good quality secure and nurturing adult relationships. Now that my mum is no longer here these are the memories that I go to to remember the happiest of times.
It is no wonder that as soon as I was old enough I wanted to work in a pub!
As a teenager, my most significant memories and relationships were around the pub, underage drinking with groups of friends, the people that I went to the pub with were my best friends.
University memories, all the ones that remain are the nights in the pub, the banter, the meeting of new people the kindred spirits the belonging to a group.
My summer holidays were spent working in a local pub, the people that worked with me and the local regulars, are characters that I live with in my memories. They formed me and shaped me, they are significant and important to who I am.
My best friend today was once my boss in a pub I worked in!
I met my husband in a pub, our first date was in a pub, our subsequent courtship was in a pub and for every significant occasion in our lives now we go to the pub, we go when we are celebrating, we go when we are tired, we go when we need a change, we go when we both know we need to reconnect. Our holiday destinations are decided by the proximinity to a decent pub. Even on honeymoon we made sure we found the pub which happened to require a day trip of its own!
Our group of friends all met as regulars of a pub. They spent a significant part of their young adult lives visiting the pub to be part of a community that they created. They found commonality and shared values and formed shared memories. It happened to be my pub.
Now that we have all grown up and moved on with our families the only option for us to get together as a group is to meet in the pub. A place where we can all be relaxed and where is easy. If you see a nice summer day in the UK look at a pub garden and you will see groups coming together for informal reunions. It is important.
Even now when I am getting to know new people, people who I want to know better and become friends with it is the pub we visit, a neutral environment where no one has to play a role, where we can genuinely relax and can be ourselves.
It is essential and I am not sure that there is any other place that facilitates the backdrop for relationship building as well.
It is why we miss the pub so much now and it is why the pub matters!
Please join the campaign this week and email your MP and let them know how the #pubmatters to you.
You can find out more and get involved at https://whypubsmatter.org.uk/
